Professionally Amateur
This was inspired by Hannah Hart, somewhat.
I live in a country known for being previously segregated by race. If it weren’t for the efforts of those before us, I would probably not be able to connect to the internet and you wouldn’t be reading this. But this is not what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of what the world is becoming. I’m afraid to check the news channels and be triggered and have an anxiety attack. I’M AFRAID. There have been many times where I just want to sleep and never wake up. I don’t necessarily want to die but I don’t want to be in this dimension either. There were times where I thought “Wow! what a time to be alive!” but recently, I just think “Why? why this time?”. I’m a black teenager who is part of the LGBTQ+ community and still to this day, I’ve been afraid to tell my parents. I’m afraid of the effect my cisheteronormative environment has on me. Everyday I have to be careful of what I say, not to reveal too much but still stay true to myself. Sometimes I know who I am, other times it’s just a blur. Constantly having to put up a “normal” facade is tiring on my psyche and I wish more than anything that I was “normal”. I’M AFRAID OF THE “NORMAL” ME. I have tried to assimilate, countless of times, but I just cannot. I cannot keep this up. Every time I think I can come out with it and be myself, something happens that reminds me that not everyone is accepting and I’M AFRAID OF THEM. I don’t have the pride. I wish I was like Tyler Oakley, Troye Sivan, Ellen Page, Ellen DeGeneres and Hannah Hart. I wish I was comfortable with myself. I wish I could go into a shop and shop at the mens’ section without being asked “What would you like to buy for him?”. I wish I didn’t have to fake a laugh every time my mom said “People will think that you’re lesbian”. I wish I had pride. I honestly don’t know why I wrote this but I’m glad I did. Thank you for reading. CIAO. LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT. ATHENA
1 Comment
Zozo
4/19/2021 20:25:20
Urgh, my heart. 😰🥺😭 we've been going through a lot haven't we. I hope you're a little less afraid, even through the world is a mess. 🦋
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November 2015
AuthorLiving between galaxies, interacting with lost souls. My days are always filled with moments of vague and fantastic melancholy. Categories |