Professionally Amateur
This was inspired by Hannah Hart, somewhat.
I live in a country known for being previously segregated by race. If it weren’t for the efforts of those before us, I would probably not be able to connect to the internet and you wouldn’t be reading this. But this is not what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of what the world is becoming. I’m afraid to check the news channels and be triggered and have an anxiety attack. I’M AFRAID. There have been many times where I just want to sleep and never wake up. I don’t necessarily want to die but I don’t want to be in this dimension either. There were times where I thought “Wow! what a time to be alive!” but recently, I just think “Why? why this time?”. I’m a black teenager who is part of the LGBTQ+ community and still to this day, I’ve been afraid to tell my parents. I’m afraid of the effect my cisheteronormative environment has on me. Everyday I have to be careful of what I say, not to reveal too much but still stay true to myself. Sometimes I know who I am, other times it’s just a blur. Constantly having to put up a “normal” facade is tiring on my psyche and I wish more than anything that I was “normal”. I’M AFRAID OF THE “NORMAL” ME. I have tried to assimilate, countless of times, but I just cannot. I cannot keep this up. Every time I think I can come out with it and be myself, something happens that reminds me that not everyone is accepting and I’M AFRAID OF THEM. I don’t have the pride. I wish I was like Tyler Oakley, Troye Sivan, Ellen Page, Ellen DeGeneres and Hannah Hart. I wish I was comfortable with myself. I wish I could go into a shop and shop at the mens’ section without being asked “What would you like to buy for him?”. I wish I didn’t have to fake a laugh every time my mom said “People will think that you’re lesbian”. I wish I had pride. I honestly don’t know why I wrote this but I’m glad I did. Thank you for reading. CIAO. LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT. ATHENA
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Hello :)
Okay I won't lie, my heart is torn as I'm writing this. I have just finished watching the finale episode of KindaTV's All For One series (#Dornie yay) and I'm not okay because it is not guaranteed that there will be a second season. This is where I draw the line!! Since the last season of Glee ended, everything has been a downward spiral for my LGBTQIA+ community on tv. Okay when The 100 killed off the Commander Heda, Lexa, I cried for a whole week and watched the episode so many times (true story). That whole situation was messed up. I mean we finally get some #Clexa action and then BAM Lexa dies. NO!! I somewhat recovered from that heartbreak and continued to enjoy my dose of LGBTQIA+ action on Faking It. Here I am with my gay self watching my favourite series and hoping that the #Karmy ship sails and then WHAMO the show gets cancelled NOOOOOO!! MY gay heart cannot handle this. The final episode didn't even make #Karmy a thing, instead it blew holes onto my ship and it sunk :( Now I sit here and pray for new season of All For One because my little gay heart is dying for representation. I'm a semi-closeted genderqueer lesbian (only out to my friends and the internet) and shows like this make me feel better. Killing my favourite characters pushes me back into a heteronormative society I don't want to be a part of. If any script writers are reading this: please keep the characters alive; we deserve a happy ending too. Rant over :) x CIAO LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT ATHENA Yo, hello :) I recently watched Carol because I felt like I was missing out on something I never knew I needed. The representation of the LGBTQIA+ community on television and film is something that is very important to me. So since I am taking a film studies course, I thought it would be nice to comment on this awesome movie . ENJOY :) x ~ I had the pleasure of watching this movie in the comfort of my own bedroom because if I had been anywhere else, I would have surely been kicked out for being “that annoying viewer”. The movie was everything I had never expected and even now, two hours after my second viewing, my heart is still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster. Referentially, the movie is set in 1951 overlapping into 1952 and in it an aspiring photographer named Therese Belivet (Rooney Mara) develops an intimate relationship with Carol Aird (Cate Blanchett). This relationship, inevitably, faces harsh consequences since it is set in a bigoted society against same sex relationships. Carol risks losing custody of her daughter, Rindy, because of a ‘morality clause’. This presents a dilemma for Carol and Therese’s relationship but Carol eventually finds her way around it (by giving up custody of her daughter *tear tear*). In the opening scene, it’s not clear to the viewer that scene is from later on when much has developed but you can certainly assume so. The visual cues are there: the way they look at each other from Jack’s point of view and how Therese looks at her shoulder once Carol touches it. The viewer can immediately sense the sexual tension between the characters. Luckily, the scene is repeated later with more context and my little viewer heart flutters so much. Why? Well, in a different point of view, the scene shows Carol confessing her love for Therese and it immediately carries more weight. While some may argue that the movie does not allow character development and the viewer might not be able to fully sympathise with the characters. I believe that although the visual content might not provide the cues we are looking for in terms of development, the use of language covers up for that. For example, in the montage clip where Therese is reading the letter from Carol and the voice over utters “Please believe that I would do anything to see you happy and so I do the only thing I can- I release you”. That line provides the viewer with something rarely seen visually- affection. Now the film is one filled with many silent moments but those moments are made up for with gazes from both Carol and Therese. One can mistakingly interpret Carol’s gaze from the very start as predatory but I would pin it as the fear of bearing it all for the world to see. Before I get to the cinematography, I would like to talk about my absolute FAVOURITE scene. I would like to point out the reason why I love this part is because it depicts what we have not been feeling in this film- AFFECTION. A lot of time is spent on driving the plot than actually driving the emotions that brought Carol and Therese together in the first place. In almost all their interaction, both women are afraid to completely show their undeniable feelings for each other. Okay, back to my part. It occurs after they realise that Carol’s soon-to-be ex-husband, Harge Aird, has a tape recording of them doing the horizontal polka *nudge nudge wink wink*. That night, at a motel I presume, Therese goes to her own bed but Carol tells her that she does not have to sleep there. Here’s the good part: While Therese is walking over to Carol, who is on her bed, I expected them to immediately get down and funky because of their recent behaviour but they don’t. Instead, they HUG!? And this is not a normal hug, no sir-y, this hug communicates “we are in the quickest of quick sands but we will pull through”. My heart, at that moment, is thumping and I’m almost crying. After the hug comes the kiss, obviously, but the camera cuts to them sleeping and pans over to their intertwined bodies and Carol’s arm over Therese’s waist- holding on for dear life. This scene spoke volumes to me and it is the one I truly appreciate. Now on to the cinematography of the film. Close-ups, this film is filled with them. Wether extreme close-ups or just average close-ups, they are everywhere. In my opinion, they add a sense of understanding to the film. They allow the viewer to study the facial expressions and try and draw interpretations. Another camera technique, which I do not know the name of, is when the camera seems to be in the next room looking on to the action. It gave me the sense of peeking, for example when Therese was going back home and the camera seemed to be in the car across the street looking through the window. The technique surely helped make the film objective because the situation presented in the film would be too heavy for a viewer to feel involved in and feel some sort of responsibility. In conclusion, the film is excellent in depicting the sort of challenges a same sex couple would face in a bigoted 1950s society. I also like that not much emphasis was placed on the age difference because that is definitely NOT what was wrong in the film. It is certainly a movie I would watch again and again and again! No doubt. Please remember that this is my own opinion on the film and you are more than welcome to have your own :). Thank you, Ciao. LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT ATHENA I don't know what I want. How could I know what I want if i say yes to everything?- Therese Belivet (Rooney Mara) Hello,
It's me. Guess who was able to fix the font? THIS GIRL!! Okay, down to business. In December 2015 I had the privilege of interviewing the chairperson of The Young African Leaders Movement (YALM) Vuyo Nkabinde. The YALM is an NGO that, according to its founding statement, intends on giving the African community emancipation from economic dependence and deprivation through entrepreneurship and business education. LET'S GET TO IT! IMPORTANT: THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS INTERVIEW ARE NOT MY OWN BUT OF THE INTERVIEWEE. 1. What inspired you to begin an initiative like the YALM? Africa. Really Africa! 2. If you could meet anyone in history, who would you choose and what would you ask them? Woo, I like that one. Well, I think with all history it would not be one individual. I believe that history is made by a lot of women and men. I just don't believe in having certain individuals as my favourites. Life is a journey where one must practise benevolence and not hatred, but to answer your question I have some individuals that stand out. I would start with Jesus Christ and ask him how to love unconditionally. Then move on to Ghandi and Mandela and ask them about integrity. I would ask Thomas Sankara why there isn't good and disciplined young African leaders such as himself. I would finally ask Albert Einstein about science and how it has lost its greater course for humanity. 3. If you could change anything about the current political situation in South Africa, what would that be? Well, there are a lot of things. There is a need for serious adjustments and strategising. The politics of South Africa are mediocre and facilitated by hypocrites. I would like to see a shift in our voting style. We currently vote for a party that elects its leadership, this leads to a lot of unaccountability. The ANC continues to depict high levels of corruption and is facilitated by morally weak men and women. So, a shift from the ruling party would do us some justice as the ANC proves that its administrative capabilities are low. It's a liberation party not administrative. 4. What is the one thing done in the country that you wish it could do differently? Transformation. I might get some stick for this, but generally transformation should not make it to our ingredients for the recipe for success. We need transition, the same initiative taken by post apartheid. The thing about transformation is, it is removing all capable individuals from key seats. 5. What do you envision a better Africa as? Well, that is more like a dream for now. Though we are drawing comprehensive economic and social strategies. To see a better Africa, one that has a free tribe association and can generally sustain itself, we vision it as an economic hub. 6. What do you want to achieve with the YALM? I hope the question is not singular because my team and I want to see an African population mesmerised with innovation and free of passionate dictators. So, our goals will be simply to see a progressive and peaceful Africa. We wish to achieve the emancipation of the African citizen from the Cape to Cairo. 7. What does the YALM stand for? To be short; we stand for perseverance, integrity and the new African order. We also stand for equality and greatness that lies in the people of the continent. 8. Does the YALM have a 5-year-plan? If so, what is it? Yes, although, it's important to note that we are in our formative stage. Our goal is actually based on the next six years. We are going to intensify our propaganda, thus meaning we have taken two main initiatives. The first being The Young African Leaders Sports initiative and the other being Operation Funda. I will not go into detail because we plan on putting the information on our various social feeds. 9. Any final words you would like to say to the youth? I have a mouthful. I would like to first say that our future depends on what we do today. No matter how good today is, may we at least contemplate tomorrow. Another burning statement would be: I feel like the black race does not have role models, we lack the good, vibrant individuals that actually make history. Instead we are singing about the guys who make history. We should not concentrate on filling up the dome but the library. Do not get me wrong; we need singers (rappers) but I figured a doctor is better, an entrepreneur is better. There is not a single race that conquered by being entertainers, if we do not move from this philosophy of 'success' we will be entrenched by poverty. Rappers can never build a fiscal economy. Another key mention would be that the white youth of South Africa must get involved. We need their experience which they gained from their forefathers. There must be social cohesion from the Indian, Black, White, Coloured and any other youth that calls South Africa their home. Follow The YALM on Twitter: @THE_YALM Email: [email protected] Did you agree with the points expressed by Mr Nkabinde? Comment below CIAO. LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT ATHENA Hello,
South Africa is going through a drought.
Climate change is a reality. COP 21 should work on empowering the youth- tomorrow's people. Bye. Hi there!
Sorry it's been ages since I have posted something new. I am busy with final exams at the moment and the stress levels have been incredibly high. Anyway, I'm here to talk about donations. Have you ever been in a situation during an exam where your pen ran out of ink? Now imagine everyone in the class going through that situation. Scary huh? Well, some schools in South Africa face that kind of situation. What can you do about it? donate pens to those schools in need. I turned eighteen two weeks ago and this is something I realised; not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Sure, I cannot to go to a Future Now concert nor do I have the best phone out there but I can write my exams without problems and that is all that I need at the moment. So friends,do the right thing and donate pens to a school near you that might need them. Until next time. LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT. ATHENA Hi there! *waves* You look good today, seriously. I, on the other hand, have a pimple infested face. *curls up into a ball and cries* Two weeks ago I was struck with horrible luck and got pimples, the painful kind! Right now ,as I write, my chin feels like it's burning from the love pimples. All of this is caused by stress, I can tell. I also got three cuts on my thigh, but I'm not sure if that is caused by stress (I'm not talking about self-harming). I finished the whole University Application process, attended prom in a suit (I'm female btw) and successfully hosted a High Tea for Women's Day! I can't say I'm surprised that I got these pimples yano? Anyway, I need help. Suggest homeopathic remedies for pimples in the comments below. Pretty pleasseee *bats eyes* THANK YOU LOVE. PEACE. LIGHT (I might change this a lot!) CIAO!!! ATHENA "Dear pimples. If you're going to live on my face, I need to see some rent." Hello *waves*
In case the title does not give much away, university/college applications are today's dreaded topic. This is a process almost every senior year student has to go through and I absolutely LOATHE it! It's just another addition to things that leave me with no time to rest. *searches for homeopathic remedies for eyebags* At this time of the year, one of the topics on the tip of everyone's tongue is tertiary education (one of the others being prom, but that's a topic for another day). I mean, can I go through my final year of high school in peace? Is that possible, please? Even now as I am seated at this computer; I've just completed my fourth online application! My life has amounted to endless applications, portfolio submissions and exams. *sigh* Also, I don't think my parents will appreciate the things I am saying about tertiary education so I'll stop right here. I have a passion for Film and Television and would love it if there was an easier way for me to study it- minus the hassles. And if there is anyone else going through the same thing: stay strong, it is worth it. Good Luck! PEACE. LOVE. LIGHT ATHENA |
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November 2015
AuthorLiving between galaxies, interacting with lost souls. My days are always filled with moments of vague and fantastic melancholy. Categories |